Serving Tips

32 ounce mugs X 8 = 256 ounces.
Mugs are 65% full  = 166.4 ounces.
10.4 pounds not to mention the mugs.

She's still smiling.  Even with a wrist brace.

Give the lady a nice tip. I'm sure that's what the guy in the top right corner of this picture has in mind.


Generally speaking, I'm not a very demanding person, but if I were to become one, I would demand great service at all restaurants.  I think this runs in my family.  A few years ago I went to The Oceanaire Seafood Room in Indianapolis with my brother and his wife. Once seated, we were completely ignored by the server who had been assigned to our table.  After a half hour or so of this my brother grabbed the guy by the collar and offered to introduce him to the dumpster.  Well, it didn't happen exactly like that but he did get the message across that the server would be justly compensated for his efforts. Then there was the time that The Tammy and I went out to dinner at a pizza joint in Denver with my son and his bride.  The server was a first class a-hole.  After an uncomfortable and heated exchange between my son and the server we were able to secure a different server without anyone being handcuffed.

Anyway, some simple do's and don'ts that should guide every server...

Don't show any "mods" that make me want to vomit.  If you have a king cobra tattoo make certain that it doesn't crawl out of your shirt collar. Leave your ear gauges at home in the jewelry box your mom gave you on your 10th birthday before she became so disappointed in you. NOTE:  I just googled "extreme body mods" and discovered that you can now have your eyeballs tattooed.  Yeah.  Don't do that either if you plan to make a living as a server.

Never say to me, "you still workin' on that?"  Dining is my pleasure, not my vocation.  If you have been paying attention to me you will probably know when I have finished.  If not, try something like, "are you still enjoying your dinner" or "let me know if you would like for me to box the rest of those rib tips."  Never use the words "doggie bag" or make reference to any mammal that is not a part of my entree.

Be attentive but please don't smother me.  There's a breakfast joint in Greenfield that requires every server to stop at every table every time they pass by and offer to re-fill your coffee.  I always say yes to see if they can squeeze another eyedropper full in the cup without it spilling over. Makes me feel like I'm the target of a aproned strafing mission.

Another catch phrase to avoid, "did y'all save room for dessert?"  That implies that I may have already busted my gut on taters and gravy and should I open wide for their inspection they might be able to see for themselves. Instead, invite me to indulge by saying, "would you care to see our dessert tray (or menu) ... or possibly something to take home and enjoy later?"

No smoking during working hours unless you wear a Tyvek suit and do it in the trunk of your car.  Is there anything less appetizing than driving around the back parking lot of a restaurant and seeing a gaggle of servers huddled around the dumpster corral with their smokes hanging from their lips?  Body odor and smokey breath are tip killers.

Sneezing, hiccups and coughing. Need I say more?  Of course.  I was in a restaurant in Anderson this week for lunch.  There was an employee there who was coughing so often and so violently that I felt like I was having my soup and grilled cheese in a TB ward.  I would not have been surprised if she had pulled a hanky from her apron pocket and dabbed away a spot of blood from the corner of her mouth.  Yuk.
Stay home.

Smile most of the time but not all of the time.  You can be pleasant without looking fake.  Consider this: “You can only hold a smile for so long, after that it's just teeth.”
― Chuck Palahniuk

Next week!!!!!!!  A trip to Denver where we will enjoy some fine dining, a private tour of the Infinite Monkey Theorem Winey, and the best damn breakfast in the Rockies at Snooze.

p.s.  Don't ever call me "hun."